Years ago, my husband Lee and I planned a vacation in the Southwest. Bravely, we bought airline tickets for the entire family, including three small children, ages four through ten. It would be our first flying experience. The morning of our exodus, dark clouds scowled from above and intermittently let loose tears. At the airport, friends and family saw us off, smiling and waving…and waving…and waving. As it turned out, our departure was delayed because of the inclement weather and eventually, the weary bon voyage wishers dispersed.

On the plane, we stared out into the gloomy day. My spirit sagged more by the minute. The children began to squirm and whine and the youngest stood in the seat, leaning to press his small face to the window and peer out, his fastened seatbelt pooled around his feet. The entire atmosphere aboard was dismal and negative. Only the crewmembers emitted pleasantries. Even they seemed forced.

Finally, the moment came when the engines roared to life and we began to move. We all settled back and felt the incredible sensation of gaining momentum and being raised up, up…until we lifted from earth. I gazed out the window. The clouds swallowing us were gray and angry. I gulped back the flavor of desolation.

A remarkable thing happened along the way up into the sky.

Suddenly, we burst free of the dark clouds, into glorious sunshine and a sky so blue and clear I could see to infinity. Even the clouds, now below us, were snowy white billows. Joy unspeakable bubbled up inside me. I’ve never before nor since experienced such a mystical example of rising above darkness.

We’ve all experienced it. All along our journey here, we encounter dark and rough places through which we must struggle. Such experiences have stirred me to reach out to others and simply say, Hang in there! Above those dark clouds, the sun is shining!Here are five tips for breaking through clouds:

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   1. TRUST: Understand that you have little to no control over circumstances. This aha will initially give you a great sense of helplessness. The world around us has its own variables/agenda and we often end up on the short end of the stick. We cannot help that. What we can help is the way we perceive ourselves as we journey through dark clouds. Trust in your ability and strength to persevere. Buried in grief years ago, I remember distinctly stopping dead in my tracks one day and saying to myself, “Self-pity will kill me.” And I knew in my heart of hearts that was true. From that moment on, I refused to be a victim. No “poor me” passed my lips. It was the beginning of renewal.
   2. STAY BUSY: Nothing can restore one’s emotional and spiritual balance like staying active. The mind can only fully focus on one thing at a time. Whether your pain is from grief, heartbreak, depression or myriad other sources, forcing your focus on positive things will aid in a smoother healing. During grief, I sang in the college choral group. As a scholarship section leader, I led ensembles for the upcoming Spring Concert. Nothing is more difficult than singing when one’s heart is breaking but the group patiently coaxed me along, overlooking my tears, validating me with how “needed” I was until, weeks later, I sang from Sound of Music as joyfully as the rest. Staying busy was cathartic in my healing, moving on process. To renewal.
   3. BE FLEXIBLE: The journey through dark clouds is always difficult. Just when you think you’re about to top them, setbacks can occur. These are the times you must chill out and ride it out until you reach another plateau of recovery. A friend of mine has a daughter, whom I’ll call Laurie, who is going through drug rehab via a methadone clinic. Laurie wants desperately to wean off the methadone and get on with her life. Recently, she asked that her dosage be reduced earlier than scheduled. She did well the first time. The next week she asked it be reduced five more milligrams. This time, she experienced severe withdrawal symptoms—nausea, sweating, pain and nervousness. I was impressed when my friend lovingly encouraged Laurie that she would be fine and that soon, she would be able to come off it completely. Laurie soon leveled out and her medication is again being lowered systematically. She is learning to be flexible in her healing, knowing that eventually, she will be complete and whole. Renewed.
   4. EXERCISE YOUR INNER STRENGTH: We must increase our sense of power by exercising it. Sure, it’s tough sometimes, especially when we’re at our lowest ebb. During my period of loss, I yanked myself up by the bootstraps by thinking of how my departed adolescent daughter has trusted in me to always do the right thing. Of how Mama was, to her, Superwoman, who always made things right and who could conquer anything. It was on that note that I put one foot in front of the other and kept on keeping on during that difficult time. “Oh, you’re so brave,” folks told me, and I thought, “You just don’t know what I’m feeling inside.” But looking back, I saw how important that interval was in my journey to renewal and healing. It was the walk—the exercise—that built up my spirit and mind to where I was able to walk through the darkness with unprecedented strength.
   5. GATHER ROLE MODELS: Role models serve us in many ways. They forge us a path and inspire us to follow. Ideally, they are ones who love us in return. They bring us to a clearer understanding of the who we are and what we’re meant to be. My best friend had a difficult childhood. Abandoned by her mother at ten and then her father a couple of years later, she was reared by her aging grandmother, a poor but stalwart woman who taught her good common sense. Charlene didn’t let her poverty stop her from becoming who she knew she was meant to be. She picked role models from amongst those who nurtured her, whose attributes she admired. Teachers and church folks she loved and admired. She chose her home economics teacher’s posture and carriage, practicing it until perfected. From others she gathered nuggets of diction, health habits, wisdom, and academic excellence. She dressed impeccably all through high school, sewing her own clothing from scraps of leftover material from clients she sewed for. I didn’t know until later of her dire circumstances. After all, she’d always had a big old smile and was homecoming queen with a reaching out personality that drew folks like butterflies to flowers. Now she’s one of the most beautiful and strongest women I know, compliments in part from her Nanny. Charlene was wise enough to know the value of following exemplary role models. So do I. Especially the ones who have weathered many of life’s thunderstorms and rise above those dark clouds into sunshine and clear skies. It lets me know that if they can soar above the clouds, so can I!